Planes, trains and automobiles ( oh..and a bus thrown in for good measure!)
Just getting from Dallas to my home town on Christmas eve proves to be an adventure. Can public transport really make it that difficult for me ??!!
Lets start with the planes...
I understand we want "safety in the air" but is it really necessary to have some of the new, rather bizarre, rules in place. I am tempted to log on to a terrorist website and see if it really is possible to make dangerous firebombs out of cream filled chocolate because that's what the bastards at DFW took away from me :(
...along with the nyquil gel caps, hand lotion and bottle of water.
Luckily once into Duty free there's a sign saying its now safe to buy all those things, including liquor AND take it all aboard the plane with you.
I don't understand !!!!!!!?????
Someone message me with the logic behind all this.....
Thankfully the airport shops stocked adequate sleeping pills so the flight was a blur of dreams of firebombs make from pralines...
Now its time for trains..
Flying into Gatwick means the train journey home is not the most fun experience. With a rucksack full of cold weather clothes and further bags full of Xmas gifts (because I
had been too lazy and tight to mail them ahead of time) the task becomes daunting.First across the airport to the next terminal..then onboard the Gatwick express to Victoria, then down into the tube at Victoria (praying the escalators are working), across London on the tube (Xmas eve..crazy busy), then back above ground at Kingscross for a regular train up North to Lincolnshire
..Only wait !
British rail can't make it that simple for me. No way..Its Xmas eve, time to do rail work AND have strikes. So after paying the $100 (F***ing dollar/pound ratio) I'm told that ..
a) there's rail work between Grantham and Newark meaning we have to switch to a bus mid journey then BACK to the train
and
b) There are strikes so no trains OR buses between Retford and Gainsborough (the final leg of this marathon trip!)
Hence why, after all day experiencing the grand English transport system the journey ends with automobiles as my darling sister comes to rescue us from Retford.
And so...like a dodgy Disney movie, we make it just in time. Still Xmas eve (only much later now) and ready for the holidays !
No wonder Mary and Joseph stuck to a donkey on Christmas eve.. Hallaujah :)
XMAS in GAINSBOROUGH
No room at the inn for us either..my parents 1000 square feet bungalow just can't hold us all so whilst my sister, Niece and brother in law get couch/floor space there; we crash at Helenes each night and visit my parents by day.
My parents are pretty old fashioned and stuck in their ways; so having any change to their regular schedule seems to throw them into a panic and cause undue stress.
My dad is ex Navy and still thinks he is the party animal he once was....only he isn't and just one glass of wine has him tipsy. However, he won't ever admit it and so will get drunk fairly quick whilst spending all his time assuring us there's no way he is drunk because
"when i was in the navy I drank.....blah blah"
"you should have seen the drinks we had..blah blah"
"this is nothing compared to what i could down...blah blah"
etc etc etc until he eventually falls into a deep snoring slumber :)
This happens every year, only this year my brother-in-law was in town, and he is in the Army and he CAN drink. LOTS
...and my dad thinks he should be able to keep up, only there NO WAY. Karl learnt long ago it just wasn't worth trying to keep up on the drinking with any of my English friends and family !
Hell, my niece can drink more than Karl ! So Xmas dinner starts out with wine and Alcoho-pops. We have the traditional table of food and all the trimmi
ngs as well as Xmas Crackers and party poppers. By the end of dinner my dad is heading for a "lie down to rest his eyes", my mum is Shhhhhh ing everyone as she tries to watch the queens speech, Lisa (niece) is tipsy and slurring her words, my sister is chastising John, me and dad for giving Lisa more Alcoho-pops and John is mortal (drunk) and has changed the cute Xmas carols to "Paris to Berlin" at which everyone starts dancing !!!
Christmas at home......arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The rest of the week goes by at much the same pace. Each morning we all swear no more drink and each evening we are all wasted.
I get to hang out with Helenes each evening and though its less party than usual (she has a 7 week old baby girl now) I find the hanging out and catching up nice and resful after the madhouse that is my parents. Her new baby is gorgeous and she is a brilliant mummy :)
Boxing day is big in England (day after Xmas) and as is the tradition we go over to my cousins and all get drunk (of course) whilst playing silly interactive DVD games. Every time a question comes up with any 
relation at all to America Im expected to get it right which is ridiculous as its usually something like "which American movie star won an Oscar two years running" or some crap I have no idea about and everyone in the room groans...
"Oh ...Louise will get this one that's not fair"
...and so another Xmas comes to an end. I feel 5 pounds heavier due to being force fed all week and doing nothing more energetic than going to see a film !
Time to make the return trip back down to London and across to Eastern Europe (POLAND)
WARSAW
We flew a cheapie flight from Heathrow to Warsaw. British Airways rock...free alcohol shouldn't make or break a flight but a cheapskate likes me appreciates those things :)
Warsaw was pretty much destroyed in the war. It had been rebuilt from scratch to look the same as before and the old town square is really pretty. on the whole though, Warsaw is a modern city and wasn't my favourite..other than the fact that on arrival it started to snow. YAYYYYY
Our party group at this point was me, Karl, Steven (Karls cousin) and Sarah
KRAKOW for NEW YEARS EVE
I love the old style European trains with the long corridor down one side and separate carriages/compartments for passengers. I feel like Im on some film set from an Agatha Christie who dun it.
3 hours later and we are in Krakow, which I immediately fall in love with. Its stunning. The whole city (old town) is ringed by the castle walls and all the streets are cobbled and quaint. Its a fairly small city with a labyrinth of narrow maze like streets full of shops, bars, museums and clubs ! Its like a fairytale city with legends of dragons :) and kings and castles.
Before long the Polish staple-Pierogi-has become my favourite food. Its like a giant ravioli stuffed with anything you can imagine. My favourite was the Pierogi Ruskie which was cheese and onion and I had that at least once a day :)
Our next dilemma was to find Anita who was somewhere in Krakow. On arrival she found her phone didn't work (along with her credit card) and so we were in touch only via very sporadic emails whenever she ventured into an internet cafe. By evening we still hadn't managed to touch base and so headed to find a drink and bite to eat.
On checking out the menu at one pub some English bloke, leaving the pub (drunk,of course) yells "The drinks are bloody strong in there" he proceeds to tell us they don't have food so we exchange pleasentaries and start to walk away. next thing I hear "Louise. Louise"
There's Anita also coming out the pub...and she's with the English bloke 
and his friends. Small world !!!
We catch up over drinks amazed at how we had managed to bump into each other so randomly. She is staying with this merry band of Brits and so we all wander back to their place and proceed to get slaughtered on cheap Polish Vodka. Feeling wasted and ill after what seesm like hours of drinking we leave-only to realize its 8pm !!! It sure gets dark early in Eastern Europe !!!
By New yrs Eve we have once again lost touch with Anita. The town square is starting to fill with people, the stages are setting up and the fireworks being laid out. We found the local Alcohole (yes they do spell it this way which was constant amusement to me) store and stocked up on bottles for our pockets :)
For those that joined us in Amsterdam last yea the experience was very similar. Thousands of people in the town square, dodgy vodka in our bags, bizarre European singers making appearances; whilst we got slowly wasted. People are in trees, up on the porta-potty roof, climbing buildings, dancing. its a great scene. The fireworks at midnight were awesome and only a few were shot into the crowd this time
After midnight there is little need to leave the square and we are all well toasted. Steven is dancing to "sex bomb ...sex bomb..I just wanna be your sex bomb "....don't ask but its apparently popular in Poland and the fact 
that Steven is dancing at all, nevertheless to "sex bomb" leads me to believe he is on another planet at this point !!! This is reinforced by his yells of TAK each time a firework goes off (Tak means YES and is the only Polish word remembered at this point). I am at this point trying to join the crowd atop the portable bathrooms but in my inebriated state I make a pathetic climber and end up with Three Polish folk trying to drag me up to the top. I give in when my arms start to click !!
Suddenly
"LOUISE..LOUISE"
No way.....There's Anita again !! Random. She had tried to make the square but it was too crowed for her to get in so here she was after midnight with men. Not English this time but Australian, 4 cute, horny Australians who are as wasted as we are. No one is sober enough to make it into a club or bar...infact we aimlessly wander the square, streets, meeting people, taking photos for hours until Steven and Sarah stumble back to the hotel, I stumble into a local Kebab shop and Anita vanishes again
Needless to say new years day was one of recovery :)
AUSCHWITZ and BIRKENEU
After recovering for a day and finally finding Anita again we took a local train to Oschiewin which though doesn't mean much to you is the town the Germans renamed Auschwitz.
No one was under any impression that this would be a fun trip, but to see the atrocities forced on people (Jews, homosexuals, gypsies etc) seemed necessary since we were in Poland.
However, i for one was not quite prepared for the shock at seeing those places first hand. Everyone was wandering around crying or teary eyes. There's no way you couldn't be there and not be hit by the magnitude that envelopes you.
Auschwitz is smaller and more of a museum now with the bunkers containing photos and memorabilia. I wasn't prepared for the emotions at seeing whole rooms filled with Shoes, bags and worse of all hair. I have never experienced anything as shocking as that.
I got to stand in one of the only remaining gas chambers left (Nazis destroyed much of the evidence) and to enter that was a horrible feeling..knowing that the prisoners entered thinking they were going to be showered and moments later all be gassed and dead. Horrific beyond words. One last word on Auschwitz..I admit to being a camera whore but on seeing some of the non european tourists taking their photos smiling next to the death wall (the wall which many Jews were shot to death) it left me feeing ashamed to be a tourist. ITS BAD TASTE...don't do it !!!
Birkeneu was across town and such a huge camp. Acres and acres of desolate camp with many of the bunkers still remaining that housed the prisoners. The feeling here was much more eerie than Auschwitz mainly due to the scale and the desolate nature of the place. The railroad tracks still run into the camp itself. The other thing we all noticed was the lack of birds. It was deathly quiet and still here. Not one bird was in the trees yet outside the gate perimeter plenty could be seen, as though they sense the amount of death that happened here.
The train journey back to Krakow was a somber one as we were all lost in thought at the awful things we had seen that day.
And that night...what better way to forget our sorrows than Pierogi and vodka :)
ZAKOPANE
After more sightseeing, shopping museums..(please no more museums-does no one listen when I tell them I hate museums !!) I was getting bothered by the lack of snow
As Anita had left for London after a fun nights clubbing I decided it was time to find some. If the snow didn't come to Louise..she was going to it !!!.
A rather bemused Karl, Steven and Sarah who, rather than fight my random ideas, found themselves the next day on board a bus to the mountains. Zakopane is south of Krakow near the slovac border nestled in the mountains.
Leaving Krakow we could see the mountians in the distance lookinf terribly green but 2 hours later we are rolling through snow laden small villages. Zakopane turns out to be STUNNING..yay..me !!!
On arrival in town its snowing hard with lots upon the ground. the town itself is sooo pretty like a snowland postcard with pointy house and ski style restaurants serving hot mulled wine and lots of dead animals. In town there were tourist style pictures to be taken with santa, the Xmas witch a stuffed bear ??!!! Fairground rides zoomed through the snowy skies. Tacky, tourist snowland...Hoorahhhhhh :)
W
e took the funicular to the mountain top and found more cabins, bars and restaurants along with horses and sleighs, dog sleds and so on. We really hadn't planned on skiing or dressed for waterproof weather but I found a great sledging spot. A huge hill where all the kids were whizzing down on cheap plastic sledges.
Of course I had to play...so i bought one and joined the fun. I was alone in my snowplay :(
Where were those playful spririts when I needed them to pla
y with me???
But still I had a blast..up the hill then down again on my uncontrollable plastic $2 circle. I made the climb and sledge down around 12 times until the throbbing in my hand and thighs from various "wipeouts" made me end my playtime. I gave up my wonderful plastic circle to some little Polish kid who was thrilled to be getting a free one.
As darkness fell and the Xmas lights came on and the night markets set up, I loved my winter wonderland even more. Over dinner i amused my fellow travelers with the videos taken and told them they had missed out big time. the apple size contusion growing on my hand told them otherwise.
ZAKOPANE-KRAKOW-WARSAW-LONDON
So Poland was coming to an end but instead of the usual tears and tantrums (me) at leaving I was ok because ahead of us we still had a day and night in London. So (3 more dishes of Pierogi later) we bussed it back to Krakow, then took train to Warsaw for our final night. As our Uk flight was early and we hadn't been too thrilled at Warsaw we timed to it arrive at the airport hotel later in the evening therefore maximizing our time in Zakopane and Krakow on route.
On arrival at the hotel Sarah thinks its only fitting to have a Scotch drinkfest to end the holiday in style and so we hit the hotel bar. A few drinks later and we are all getting nice and tipsy. Theres an 18th party going on upstairs and Im amused at all the pretty dresses and random Dj tunes drifting our way.
Our flight is it 5am and when it comes time to end the night..me, never one to end a vacation in a dignified manner do indeed stamp my feet and demand we have more drinks at the bar. And so it comes to pass that on our last night in Poland that im alone downstairs drinking, emailing, enjoying the Dj and eventually crashing out on the lobby chairs......Because thats how BRITGIRL rolls !!
FULL CIRCLE BACK TO LONDON
The early nature of the next mornings flight (not my MIA- hungover state) had us running as the doors were closing to catch the plane. we did make it and somehow discovered we had been upgraded to business class...yay from British airways !
A short flight but nontherless interesting to do it from business class standpoint. i would have enjoyed it more had i not been feeling rough as a dogs arse !
I found this funny though...on arrival in London the gangplank thingy was broken and so they announced we would have to catch a bus back to the terminal. It was raining out and so Business class (us) got to exit some magic stairs attatched to the broken gangplank whilst the rest of the cattle car had to stand and wait. we were led to the waiting bus...and once we were on board , only then did they release the rest of the plane ! Ah...how the other half lives !
And so..back in London with the city of 9 million stretc
hing out before us. karl had to have more history..ugh.....I was historied out !!! So I suggested the Tower of London which at least was interesting with all the torture chambers and dungeons :)
A quick bite to eat before entering the tower and BAMMMMM...who shows up at the same crappy small cafe ??? ANITA of course !!! Wow...that really is kinda freaky now :)
In true English style it POURS with rain all day long and even the good old Indian curry didn't warm our chilled bones. Have I told you lately I love London, because I really do think its one of the most wonderful cities ever. Except for being hideously expensive its my favourite place to be. Why did I leave again ??
Anita has already begged me to marry her so she can get a green card and move there...she loved it too.Yay
...and so flying back to Dallas was not a happy moment. though we did get upgraded to business yet again (first time ever on international flight) and got to spend the whole 10 hour flight being force fed and getting trashed on the free drinks that the business traveler does get on AA.
As this is a full circle blog, and Im back pondering the craziness of flight rules and regulations can someone PLEASE tell me why sharp objects need to be left behind yet the business class traveler get given real knives, forks, and glass bottles ??!!!!! The last I heard the terrorists did indeed sit towards the front you guys !
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